Dear Friends and Family,
We are so close to bringing Leah home! What a Thanksgiving Day we will have this year. Since our family, friends, and community are so important to us, we are eager to have Leah become a part of your lives. We want you to be able to meet her, play with her, get to know her, and love her! However, adopting a four-year-old child is much different than bringing home a newborn baby. We hope you understand that while we will desperately want to introduce everyone to our beautiful daughter, that just won't be possible right away.
When she comes home, Leah will need to learn that she is safe and secure with us. She will need to learn that we are her parents, and that she can count on us to meet her needs. We do not know a lot of specifics about Leah's first four years of life, but we do know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she has known great loss. She has experienced abandonment. She must have grieved the loss of her biological family, and she will certainly grieve the loss of all that is familiar to her now, including her nannies, friends, and yes, even the orphanage.
When we get home, we will do everything we can to help Leah adjust and feel secure. This means that we may not be able to introduce her to all of you right away! Greg and I should be the only ones to soothe her, feed her, give her gifts, etc. Also, we have to keep our lives as simple as possible. We probably will not come to church for a few weeks. Even when we do, Leah must stay with us. We cannot pass her around for everyone to hold. This will help her form a secure attachment to us, which is so important for her development.
I posted these a few months ago, but as a reminder, here are some dos and don'ts our agency put together for friends and family:
We are so close to bringing Leah home! What a Thanksgiving Day we will have this year. Since our family, friends, and community are so important to us, we are eager to have Leah become a part of your lives. We want you to be able to meet her, play with her, get to know her, and love her! However, adopting a four-year-old child is much different than bringing home a newborn baby. We hope you understand that while we will desperately want to introduce everyone to our beautiful daughter, that just won't be possible right away.
When she comes home, Leah will need to learn that she is safe and secure with us. She will need to learn that we are her parents, and that she can count on us to meet her needs. We do not know a lot of specifics about Leah's first four years of life, but we do know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she has known great loss. She has experienced abandonment. She must have grieved the loss of her biological family, and she will certainly grieve the loss of all that is familiar to her now, including her nannies, friends, and yes, even the orphanage.
When we get home, we will do everything we can to help Leah adjust and feel secure. This means that we may not be able to introduce her to all of you right away! Greg and I should be the only ones to soothe her, feed her, give her gifts, etc. Also, we have to keep our lives as simple as possible. We probably will not come to church for a few weeks. Even when we do, Leah must stay with us. We cannot pass her around for everyone to hold. This will help her form a secure attachment to us, which is so important for her development.
I posted these a few months ago, but as a reminder, here are some dos and don'ts our agency put together for friends and family:
Do
- Help with household tasks like cooking, cleaning, yard work, running errands.
- Encourage the family with emails, cards, phone calls, and care packages.
- Redirect the child to the parents. Examples: "Go give your daddy a hug" or "Let's ask mommy if that's ok."
- Care for other children! Pete, Tom, and Ruthie could easily feel overshadowed and will need help transitioning to life with another sibling.
- Read and educate yourself about adoption.
Don't
- Don't meet the needs or wants of the child. To foster a secure attachment, Leah will need to see us providing her care (feeding, getting dressed, etc.) so she understands who her parents are!
- Don't shower the child with gifts. Just ask us in advance if a gift is appropriate. Also, you may need to actually let us give the gift and get credit for it.
- Don't shower the child with attention or affection -- again, that should come from us (sense a theme?!). Newly adopted children are often easily overwhelmed.
- Don't compare her to our biological children.
- Don't make assumptions about her feelings. It is easy to think that Leah will be grateful and happy to be in a family when in reality she could be overwhelmed, sad, and grieving the life she knew.
beautifully said!! so excited to see pictures of you all together!
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