Your Questions Answered, Part 1

My friend Ada asked "if there was anything we could be reading/doing to get ready for the new needs your family will have." (Which, by the way, is a very thoughtful and sweet question. Thanks, Ada!)

Full disclosure: I've read a lot about down syndrome, I've read books and blogs by parents of children with down syndrome, and I've talked with physicians about down syndrome. I still feel like I have no idea what to expect when we get home! I know there will be many doctor appointments, therapy appointments, and meetings with the local school district. There will be lots of day-to-day adjustment for our whole family. But I feel much like a first-time parent: you can read all the books you want about pregnancy and parenthood, but you don't really know what it is like until you actually do it!

That being said, our adoption agency recently shared some information about how friends and family can best help a family adjust when they bring home their newly adopted child. One of the most important parts of those first few months for us will be fostering a healthy attachment with Leah. She is only three years old, but she has already experienced loss and abandonment, and moving halfway around the world to a new culture with people she has never met will not be easy. She will need to learn to love and trust us. We want her to feel safe and secure in our family. To that end, we will probably not be all that social when we come home -- so please don't be offended! We need to avoid overwhelming Leah and quietly and patiently teach her that we love her and will meet her needs. So here are some dos and don'ts our agency put together for friends and family:

Do

1. Help with household tasks like cooking, cleaning, yard work, running errands. 
2. Encourage the family with emails, cards, phone calls, and care packages. 
3. Redirect the child to the parents. Examples: "Go give your daddy a hug" or "Let's ask mommy if that's ok."
4. Care for other children! Pete, Tom, and Ruthie could easily feel overshadowed and will need help transitioning to life with another sibling.
5. Read and educate yourself about adoption.

Don't

1. Don't meet the needs or wants of the child. To foster a secure attachment, Leah will need to see us providing her care (feeding, getting dressed, etc.) so she understands who her parents are!
2. Don't shower the child with gifts. Just ask us in advance if a gift is appropriate. Also, you may need to actually let us give the gift and get credit for it.
3. Don't shower the child with attention or affection -- again, that should come from us (sense a theme?!). Newly adopted children are often easily overwhelmed.
4. Don't compare her to our biological children.
5. Don't make assumptions about her feelings. It is easy to think that Leah will be grateful and happy to be in a family when in reality she could be overwhelmed, sad, and grieving the life she knew.

Please keep the questions coming if you have them! Don't be afraid to ask!